We all need love in our lives. It’s sacred. We need it to thrive. Love can motivate us to do better and to be better in our lives. Being loved helps us to feel safe, to be validated and to be valued. This enables us to stretch ourselves and to set more significant personal goals. For some people though, finding love becomes an arduous and painful journey.
Love can come from many different sources: from family members, from friends, and even from pets. While it may seem relatively easy to find an abundance of love all around us, it may not be so easy to find romantic love in a partner, in our “other half,” in “the one.” Some people are even driven to desperation as they search. If you’re seeking love, this list of do’s and don’ts may inspire you to open the doors to your own loving partnership.
First, the Do’s:
- Make the most of your freedom and your time. Go out with your friends, find a way to volunteer, enroll in classes that you’re interested in, get in shape, be involved in your community, and try to respond to needs of people you’re in contact with. Note that especially among older people, a conflict can arise between their love for their independence and their desire for a partner. Some people are reluctant to give up the lives they’ve built themselves. They may attract a lot of potential partners, but are confused when none of them stick around.
- Meditate and focus on the right partner presenting themselves in your life. Visualize yourself spending time with someone you love: taking a walk, cooking, or having dinner together. While you’re meditating, look inside yourself for conflicts and for fears about intimacy or commitment. Self-esteem issues can affect both young and old people in relationships.
- Love yourself enough and love your own life enough to attract a partner. Love can come in many different forms. Notice, treasure and nurture the love that’s already present in your life, whether it’s coming from your family, your friends, your colleagues or your pets. The more you nurture the love that’s already around you, the more likely it is that you’ll attract a loving partner. Try to enjoy your life just as it is!
- Trust that your life has a purpose right now, just as it is. Accept that there are reasons for you being single right now at this point in your life. Try to find the lessons in your singleness. Perhaps it’s about you learning to be confident in your decisions, or to prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself. Value your singleness, and it will certainly reward you.
Next, the Don’ts:
- Don’t focus on what you lack, because you get what you’re focused on. The more you love yourself and love your life, and the more involved and enthusiastic you are, the more likely it is that you will find a partner. Instead of noticing what you’re missing, notice all that you have and learn to be grateful for it. Focus on what’s working in your life, what’s uplifting and what’s life-affirming.
- Don’t compare yourself to your family members or friends. They may look happy, but you really don’t have any idea what’s going on in their private lives. Each of us is walking on our own unique path. So don’t be envious of someone else’s path.
- Don’t let fear hold you back. Fear tends to act like a magnet. It attracts to us exactly what it is that we don’t want. Fear can be useful to force us to take the time to dig deep inside of ourselves, to see what we’re afraid of. Write out a list of your fears. Then burn the list! Have trust that you’re right where you should be in your life. Trust that you’re lovable and that you’re worthy to receive love. Believe that love will ultimately come to you. Try to avoid triggering your fears when you meet someone new by taking things slow. Seek friendships before seeking romance, so you can allow the relationship to grow naturally and comfortably in love.
- Don’t get discouraged. Instead, be willing and open to exploration. Having an optimistic attitude is far more attractive to a potential romantic partner than pessimism. Be encouraged. Love will come. Love will find you.